Last year this time (October 2019), I was stressing over a relationship which was broken long time back but was probably something we both had not accepted, so just to get the loneliness away I tried my hands on new things, having no idea what was in store for me.
2019 was a different type of struggle, struggle of proving myself at work, struggle of being able to manage work and home, struggle to accept broken relationship etc. I was basically struggling with everything and everyone. It was a difficult and different year for me. I was in a fight with myself for no reason.
Extra office work, dating apps, binge watching etc were my rescuers. But the person that I am, dating apps was out of my mind, sight and phone within a month. 2019 thankfully involved a lot of travelling, so that surely helped, but reality hit once life was back on track.
There was a a conflict within myself, struggling to figure out a lot of things, I fight with myself, I had everything but there was something still missing, I knew answers to my questions but I was not ready to accept things.
But 2020, is 360 change for me. The struggle is still on, but 2020 has given me the patience, the answers to questions i never thought I would get, its made me heal in a way, make amends with my past and is still helping me accept who and what I am. I have surely learnt things about myself, which actually amuses me at times.
I have been unemployed from the past 5-6 months, the "2019 me" would have not been able to survive a day without working, but the 2020 me is in no hurry. Obviously being unemployed is not a thing to be happy about, but somewhere somehow I have accepted the situation I am in, I do not want to sound filmy but yeah I have think I am in the "What is meant to be mine, will find its way to me" mode.
I think its the free time that I have had in these 5 months that has changed me, I have been accepted myself, my situation, the people around me, their situations etc.
Frankly speaking, materialistically, the past 5months I have just lost something or the other- job, my new relationship, money, people etc. But it does not bother me any more. Probably that is how it was meant to me.
Most of us are torn apart in the fight between "Fight for what yours" vs "if its yours, it will come to you". I have always been in that situation.. always. But right now, I live each day as it comes, I little chilled, worry less about the future, work on myself, read and just be happy with what I have in my hand at that moment.
Worrying about things or stressing about it will take you no where, the faster you accept things/ situations, the better it is for You. Focus on "Yourself". Give yourself time, time heals everything, in its own way. Probably what's in store for you is better than what's gone.